Let's LEAD - December 2022
Bah! Humbug!
I just read an article that said the perfect holiday movie for my Myers-Briggs AND Enneagram personality types is SCROOGED!
Got it...I'm feeling grumpy.
Don't misunderstand me. I really want to enjoy the holidays, but they have become the result of a to-do list that seems impossible to complete.
Thanksgiving was great! My sister and her family were here and we had a terrific time. Then, once that holiday was behind me, it felt like a massive stopwatch started ticking...
Even as I write this, my 'time-is-running-out' list is running through my head: shopping, baking, putting up the tree...then more shopping.
Then I remember this year's mantra: keep it simple. With that in mind, I'm going to apply that principle to this newsletter.
This year's newsletters followed a theme...we covered each of the practices that make up the Self-Leadership model. This month, we close out the year by focusing on the last Self-Leadership practice: Being of Service.
- How can you share the gifts of exploring and developing your self-awareness and new-found self-knowledge?
- How do you now show up differently for others when you embody self-acceptance and self-regard?
- In what ways do you express and therefore model self-care and self-less vulnerability for others?
As we develop our Self-Leadership, we become Self-Less when we share what we have been given.
So, curated from past newsletters just for you: a library of great books and articles, amazing quotes ranging from funny to profound, some random resources that caught my attention, and a song or two that made me get up and dance or cry like a baby.
Enjoy!
Books* and articles:
3 Inclusive Behaviors Every Leader Should Have
Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication
Do your employees feel psychologically safe? These three tips can help.
Atomic Habits (Game changer!)
5 Steps to Start Slowing Down and Leading Better
Mastering Your Inner Critic
*I use Amazon links (no affiliate relationship); please check with your book retailer of choice.
Quotes:
“When you stay in your own lane, there's no traffic.” -- Unknown
“Your life requires your mindful presence in order to live it. Be here now.” -- Akiroq Brost
"The degree to which a person can grow is directly proportional to the amount of truth they can accept about themselves without running away." -- Leland Val Van De Wall
"Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become." -- James Clear
"I’m stronger because I had to be. I’m smarter because of my mistakes. I’m happier because I have overcome the sadness I’ve known, and I’m wiser because I have learned from my life." -- Unknown
"Confidence is contagious. So is lack of confidence." -- Vince Lombardi
"Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries...don't leave home without them." -- Jeff Brown
"Self care is how you take your power back." -- Lalah Delia
"We need more people who are willing to demonstrate what it looks like to risk and endure failure, disappointment and regret - people willing to feel their own hurt instead of working it out ON other people, people willing to own their stories, live their values, and keep showing up." -- Brené Brown
Songs and random stuff:
Guided meditation from Sarah Blondin on Insight Timer: Our Call to Presence.
Hold On Tight by Forest Blakk (gives me goose bumps!)
One Sweet World by Dave Matthews Band (just watching this again made me feel better!)
Dave Stachowiak's Coaching for Leaders podcast with Megan Reitz: How to Help People Speak Truth to Power.
My Hero by Foo Fighters (feeling hopeful...)
...and finally, my favorite image (and reminder):
I'm feeling better about the holidays already!
3 Tips: Well, actually 5!
As I was going through past newsletters, it occurred to me that another way to be of service to you is to put together a list of my favorite tips...the ones that I believe can make a big difference, not matter the circumstance.
So, here they are:
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Pause. There's a famous quote from Viktor Frankl's book, Man's Search for Meaning: "Between stimulus and response is a SPACE. In that space is our power to CHOOSE our response. In our response lies our GROWTH and our FREEDOM."
It is in that space when we notice our emotional patterns. We begin to notice how we typically react to certain circumstances. Maybe it's anger. Maybe it's denial.
Regardless of the feelings you're experiencing, they always start as an emotion that's triggered PHYSICALLY in your body. A racing heartbeat...constricted throat...queasy stomach. It's the body's way of getting your attention.
The power of the pause is, well...POWERFUL. Stopping what you're doing and taking a few deep breaths can change the direction of your thoughts. Take a moment now to take a few deep breaths. Notice the brief space between your inhale and your exhale, and then your next inhale. As you focus your attention on taking these intentional breaths, you are IN the present moment.
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Check your story. To quote one of my coaching colleagues: 'Once you have your story, check the facts.'
How true is the story you're telling yourself? Let's use my story of 'if I make a mistake, I'll never recover from it.' Is it true? Of course not. The truth is that if I make a mistake, I'll learn from it and course-correct from there.
Byron Katie's framework, called 'The Work,' includes four (4) questions to help us challenge our negative thoughts and stories:
1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know it's true?
3. How do you react—what happens—when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?
Then she asks us to turn the thought around...to experience the opposite of the story. For me, I imagine myself willing to make mistakes KNOWING that I can overcome them.
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Prioritize reflection time. I recommend periods of reflection as a DAILY practice...the goal is to make it a habit. Eventually, it will become automatic for you, and until it does, put it on your calendar.
My strategy: At the end of each workday, I block off 30 minutes to close out the day. This time slot also acts as the line between my 'work' life and my 'home' life. Really important when you work remotely.
This 30 minutes includes reviewing the next day's calendar, making a note of what I wasn't able to accomplish and moving it to the next day's 'to do' list, and my reflection time, where I journal on these three (3) questions:
- What went well?
- What didn't go well?
- What will I do differently next time?
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Get feedback. Reach out individually (text or email) to 10 'loving critics'...people in your personal and professional life who care about you AND you know will tell you the truth, and ask them: 'what 3 adjectives would you use to describe me?'
When I first did this exercise, most of the adjectives shared with me were very positive. Some of them were repeated more than once, included caring, honest (with Integrity as a value, this BETTER be on the list), professional, enthusiastic, inspiring and approachable.
I also received a couple of words that DIDN'T feel so great, including habitual and meticulous. Both felts rigid and inflexible.
NOTE: Resist the urge to ask your 'loving critics' about their feedback. Just receive it...whether positive or not. Once I put my initial reaction aside (BREATHE!), I asked myself: What can I learn from this feedback?
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Take note. Create a 'wins' file that memorizes your accomplishments. Record the details, especially the results and impacts that were created, AND don't forget to include the distinct impact YOU made on the outcome.
For example, what strengths did you tap into? Maybe you have a knack for converting data into a clear narrative that makes the data more interesting? Or maybe you know how to connect the dots when others may not see how they are related?
C'mon...you know you're going to need these details the next time you go after that next promotion or when you need to write that next annual self-review, right?
Which one (or more!) are you willing to try?
Coming up...
I'm thrilled to share that I will be Lisa Gillette's guest on Thursday, December 15th at 11am Pacific time. If you want to join live, you can do so via one of these links:
Podcast audio live or YouTube live
AND...
I hope you have enjoyed reading these newsletters as much as I enjoy writing them. My intention has always been to be of service to you, my readers, by sharing stories and leadership philosophies you can relate to, and tips you can use.
That intention isn't going to change, but the format may. I'm not sure what that will look like into the new year...the right answer will be revealed at the right time!
Happy Holidays, and I'll see you in...
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I look forward to connecting!
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