Let's LEAD - November 2022

I recently had a conversation with a business leader who shared a moment of vulnerability with her leadership team. After some personal reflection, she realized how she missed a key opportunity to connect with them, and to hold herself accountable, she owned up to it during a recent team meeting. 

"I'm so sorry. I'll do better going forward."

What happened next was surprising to her.

Nothing. No response at all. It's like she stunned them into silence.

Was I surprised? Maybe a bit, and I think it speaks to how RARE leadership vulnerability is in the workplace. 

Actually, in ALL our relationships. Admitting you fell short feels, well...VULNERABLE!

My internal Judge often reminds me what a screw-up I am, and my Controller, Stickler and Hyper-Achiever saboteurs pile on with the judgement. It's brutal, so why would I want to TELL anyone?

Because I'm a human who screws up. And so are you. 

I can't control everything. And neither can you.

I'm not perfect. And neither are you.

I can't 'do it all.' And neither can you.

Bottom line...we're not alone.

Over the last several months, we have explored and embodied our personal Self-Leadership, and started to express it through Self-Care. 

We now shift our focus toward others...being Self-Less through vulnerability and being of service to those around us.

We all make mistakes, especially when we're willing to step outside our comfort zone to try something new.

We're willing to LEARN.  

This graphic was recently shared in LinkedIn, and it speaks to each of the 'zones' our team members navigate:

When leaders 'lead' by sharing their vulnerability, they make it safe for others to do so as well. How can leaders support their teams to strive for the 'learning' zone?

Check out this video: 

3 Tips - To Be or Not To Be (Vulnerable)

IMO, The pre-eminent expert on vulnerability is Brené Brown, and she can really get to the heart of the matter in very few, and very to-the-point ways.

Here's one: "The most powerful teaching moments are those where you screw up."

Got it.

If you're not used to being vulnerable, then suddenly sharing may feel like 'oversharing.' So, dipping your toe into the vulnerability pool might be the best place to start. 

So let's use a workplace scenario as an example: Someone has come to you to share something that resulted in a perceived 'failure,' like a presentation that didn't go as planned or a project that fell apart. Consider these tips:

1. Assess relevance. Do you have a screw-up story that will help this person navigate their own situation? If you have a sense they are feeling alone in their struggle, your story, assuming it's relevant, may create a sense of connection between the two of you. 
   
   The goal is to demonstrate through your own story that you UNDERSTAND. You get it. An unrelated story will only confuse the situation.
   
   
2. Ask permission. There are a few folks in my life (maybe yours too!) who are masters at making it 'all about them.' I can't count the number of times I have been telling someone about something I'm going through, and they launch into 'You think that's bad? Let me tell you about the time when I...' 
   
   Don't do it. Full stop. If you have assessed relevance, and you THINK it will help them, don't assume you're right. Ask permission to share your story.
   
   For example, 'I have had a similar experience, and I wonder if it would help to share it with you and what I learned about myself. Is that okay?' 
   
   THEN...wait for their response.
   
   
3. Shift the focus BACK. THIS IS KEY! It's YOUR responsibility to put the focus back on THEM. If you share your story and the focus stays on YOU, any attempt to be helpful just flew out the window.
   
   You can simply ask, 'Was this useful? I learned a lot from that experience and I hope it was helpful for you to hear about it.' 

BONUS TIP: Finally, express gratitude for their willingness to share their story. 

As leaders, it's our job to NORMALIZE vulnerability for our team members. We want them to feel safe in sharing their learning experiences. AND, by modeling vulnerability, we create that safety.

"Wait! If you can do it, I can do it too!"

Right?

Cool Resources

What I'm reading (articles, books*):

Harvard Business Review never disappoints! Check out Today’s Leaders Need Vulnerability, Not Bravado, written by Amy C. Edmondson, who (I think) may be the same person who offered the graphic shared above! 

*I use Amazon links (no affiliate relationship); please check with your book retailer of choice

Quote: 

"We need more people who are willing to demonstrate what it looks like to risk and endure failure, disappointment and regret - people willing to feel their own hurt instead of working it out ON other people, people willing to own their stories, live their values, and keep showing up." -- Brené Brown

...and something more:  

My hero. 

Coming up...

I introduced my new brand to you last month. AND...my new website is LIVE! Check it out...

Additionally, I have been invited back to deliver my Leading from the Inside Out: Exploring Your Unique Leadership Brand workshop at the Day of Shecurity, an event for women in cybersecurity, on Thursday, December 8th. If cybersecurity is your jam, this event is for you!

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